“I can’t admit to myself that I’m definitely queer because I feel like if I so much as kiss a girl, I’ll be damned for all of eternity for committing a sin second only to murder… just because of how I was raised in the church. So instead, I just ignore every feeling that comes while I’m in the presence of others and convince myself every day that I’m straight, even though I shudder when I think of a future me married to a Mormon man who expects me to have sex with him.”
“One of my close friends is a non-member, and even though I have been harboring a small desire to leave the church myself, I keep inviting her to church meetings and activities at the insistence of my parents, despite the fact that I can’t bear my testimony. How can I invite someone to participate in a church I’m thinking of leaving myself?”
“When I worked my last job, I went by my middle name for the first time in my life. I loved being able to pretend to be someone else. I didn’t tell anyone that I was brought up Mormon, even though the topic came up a couple times.”
“Because of how I grew up in the church, I’ve been told all my life to think and feel a certain way. So much so, that if I start thinking outside the mold (that I might be bisexual or even lesbian, for example), I get washed up in a huge wave of anxiety, self-hate, and depression. The depression comes equally from the fear of being queer in a conservative, Mormon family like my own, and from the frustration of feeling like I can’t explore who I am because of all these rules and restrictions. When I think of future me letting go and finally being myself, I can’t focus on the joy to be free because all I can see is the mass of disappointment from my family.”
“I’m a convert and the only active member in my family. People in my ward seem think I’m just the perfect LDS teenage girl with such a strong testimony. They’re right to an extent, but I’m far from perfect. I’m not chaste, infact I really want to have sex with my boyfriend, but I can’t because I’d be eaten alive by guilt for committing such a serious sin. I hate it. It makes me wish I wasn’t religious at all. I could be ignorant of the law of chastity restriction. I hate how every time I promise I’ll be more chaste, I break my promise, and a small part of me knew I was going to break it anyways. There, I said it. “
“I’m not lds but I had an affair with a woman that was born in it. We fell in love…her husband raped her several times while we were together, one time brutally. Why do they shrug that off? She was covered in bruises and he injured her shoulder:(“
Well, before you used to be able to log out and submit that way, but upon trying that out a moment ago, it requires an email to submit now? If you are comfortable with an e-mail that is a fine way to do it, but if not please feel free to send a confession via ask and indicate that it is a submission instead of a question! Thanks so much, and sorry about that!
Did it feel wrong to you to have done something like that? If it felt right, (even after what you have been taught about “sexual sins”) I would say no! It all depends on how you feel, and if you need guidance on what happened. I would even approach a close friend or family member about sorting out the feelings. And obviously, talk to your boyfriend about everything as well!
Really search yourself about it though. it is often taught to woman (not just in the LDS church) that sexuality, and sexual pleasure is wrong, and you are taught to feel guilt, but you don’t have to! It’s natural and not harmful.
Good luck! Hope that was helpful!
I am so sorry about the giant hiatus! Long story short in bullets!
-I dropped my laptop and killed it’s hard drive >_<
-I moved from one town to another with all that that implies with expenses and otherwise.
-finally was able to afford a new hard drive that got installed.
-I was unable to port any of my data off my last hard drive and lost my programs and templates for everything! *ugly sobbing*
-Working on finals this week for college classes.
-Will update all old confessions and answer questions very soon!
Thanks for your patience everyone! I feel just awful about leaving for so long! *hugs and love to you all*
So I’ve been looking through this blog. And I want to tell all of you who feel worthless, or not good enough or feel like other members are very judgmental etc. First you are not worthless and you are good enough. Like Dieter F Uchtdorf said in the last general conference this church was not made by perfect people therefore there is no perfect people in the church. I know how it feels when it comes to criticism, I can’t stand my ward and I don’t feel like I belong but I go every week for me and my testimony to grow. Not for anyone else. I am so sorry that you feel this way. I really am. If you ever need anything my ask is always ALWAYS open. You are a child of God and He loves you very much. His love for you is unconditional. Please never forget that.